A few months ago I was contacted by the very distressed father of an 11-year-old girl. Since moving to secondary school she had been targeted by several fellow pupils who would wait for her to get off the school bus and then bully her. Every day, five days a week. And this had been happening for at least eight months. Just imagine for a moment how that was affecting her.

Despite contacting the school there was nothing that could be done since it was off school grounds and after school hours. The parents even approached the parents of the bullies, still nothing changed. This child was living in fear, reluctant to go to school, scared to get off the bus and her parents were desperate. Dad, having heard about Krav Generation, asked if he could book a 1-2-1 session in an effort to help his daughter.

When I met Zhara (not her real name) I was struck by her reluctance to speak or make eye contact, she literally hid her face behind her long hair – it was instantly clear just how much her confidence had been destroyed by the bullying. She really didn’t want to be there with me, so I focused on simply trying to encourage her to chat and get to know each other a bit. Gradually, I brought the conversation around to the reason her dad had set up the session and asked if she’d like to talk about what was happening to her. She didn’t but I assured her that I would always listen.

Breaking the ice with French fries

I asked Zhara to play a silly game with me. The aim is to steal French fries off each other’s head – lots of fun but actually designed to encourage students to protect their heads by holding their hands up in a semi-passive stance. I asked Zhara if she knew what she was doing. She didn’t so I explained that she’d just learned a defensive move.

Much as we were making gentle progress, Zhara was still very nervous and I could see her reacting every time someone walked past the door. We explored situational awareness, looking for exits, the importance of knowing who is nearby and where you are going and making sure her parents always know where she is, be it using a location tracker on her phone or sending text messages to them.

As Zhara became more comfortable with me, I introduced a role play situation. We discussed personal space and the use of a semi-passive stance when an attacker gets too close and invades your personal space. We also talked about the butterfly feelings in your stomach when you know when something isn’t right, our inner alarm and how it helps prepare us in the event a situation escalates. In our role play situation, I became the ‘horrible girl’, the ringleader of the bullies. I started by being nice and friendly before changing my manner and starting to move towards Zhara – this is the point at which I encouraged Zhara to raise her hands (French fries!) and tell me to back off. However, I become more aggressive and stepped further into her personal space, which led to learning another technique – the Educational Stop.

Learning to not be afraid

The Educational Stop is both assertive and de-escalating. It demonstrates to the attacker – in a non-aggressive way – that we’re not afraid. We don’t want any trouble but, if trouble comes, we’ll be ready for it. The technique leads us into a fighting stance, the position we adopt when we know we need to be prepared to fight. However, overriding everything is voice. Our voices are so much more powerful than we often realise.

With self-defence techniques, the voice is key. An Educational Stop requires the student to be confident, use their voice and give the attacker instructions. Not surprisingly, Zhara found this a challenge and was reluctant but eventually told me, very quietly, to “back off”. We worked on this scenario several times and her voice became a little louder each time.

Next, we returned to the French fries game, which is actually known as a 360˚ defence. It teaches students to defend against a hit or slap, it’s even effective against the downwards thrust of a knife. This time I used a foam swim noodle to gently hit Zhara while she used a 360˚ defence, used her voice and either ran to an exit or took up a fighting stance – bringing all the techniques together. And when her dad came to collect her, she agreed (with a little encouragement) to demonstrate what she’d learnt.

The Zhara who left that first session was very different to the timid and scared young girl who had arrived. Because this was a 1-2-1 session, I was able to structure it around Zhara’s needs and conduct it in a calm and supportive way. It helped her build confidence whilst learning how to defend herself, and I ensured she understood exactly what she was doing and how it would help her in the future. 

The power of self-defence to effect change

Over the next three weeks I saw her confidence rocket! She changed so much – her hair was tied back, she was shouting at me, she stood tall. We continued to work together for some months until Zhara felt confident enough to leave. By the time we said our final goodbyes, Zhara was no longer being bullied and she was back at school full-time.

When I set up Krav Generation, I wanted to empower others, to help those who felt they were victims become survivors. I feel very honoured to be able to help others live without fear. It makes me so happy to see the transformation in my students, to see them laughing and talking to others and standing tall and confident – Zhara embodies all of that and I feel incredibly proud to have helped her blossom and become the happy, confident young person she deserves to be!

If you’d like to find out more about 1-2-1 self-defence training, please get in touch.